Simple steps to true forgiveness
Updated: Jan 23, 2019
It can often seem that forgiveness is an elusive thing that should just ‘happen’. For those of us who have struggled with forgiving and letting go, this is no easy feat.
I have heard so many times “yes, I get it, I forgive- okay?! So why do I still feel the same? I mean, how do I actually forgive?!?!”.
The truth is, I am only human and I haven't always been naturally good at letting go. Forgiveness didn't always come that easily to me. . . . It was only when I started to realise the impact that NOT forgiving was having on me and my world that I decided it was time to really work this one out.
It was the time to face up, stand up, woman up and learn to forgive.
After a little practice, I found it became easier for me. So much so that even now, I still notice it filter into other areas of my life. It is easier for me not to judge, it is easier for me to speak and take action from my heart and genuinely, it has made me happier.
So my dear friends, it is now time to remind yourself –
You can let go. You can forgive. You can release the anger, the fear, the hurt and you can be happy. You can live from a place of love and move out of the shadows into the light. You can be free.
Simple steps to true forgiveness –
1. Acknowledge your feelings
It is easy to decide that whatever happened, ‘it’s fine’, that you ‘don’t want to talk about it’, that it’s just fine in the big box somewhere in the back of your mind, but listen, I’ll tell you this (and its coming from experience!) – eventually it will bite you in the butt.
So take it out, take out that dusty old grey box and allow yourself to acknowledge your pain. Give yourself permission to be upset, angry hurt.
As evolving people we are told we cannot be angry or have negative thoughts and feelings but I am telling you, it’s okay to break those rules and allow yourself for a moment to really validate your feelings so that you can acknowledge them and gently move past them.
2. Accept that whatever happened may not actually be about you.
Even when someone makes a personal attack on you and who you are, it is rarely ever actually about you. It is more often a reflection of what the other person is going through, their own conditioning, their own judgements. Ultimately, it is about them and not about you. Once you realise this, it just doesn’t feel quite so personal any more.
3. Accept an apology.
If you are lucky enough to have been given an apology, choose to accept it. Choose to accept that people make mistakes, that we are only human, that we don’t always know what is going on in someone else’s life, we don’t always have to know the why’s. We just need to accept an apology and believe that when someone offers you an apology, they are genuinely sorry for what they have done.
4. Don’t expect an apology –
Sometimes, we wait and wait and that apology never comes. So whilst we wait, we allow all the anger and negativity to keep eating through us. The toxic thoughts and feelings, slowly poisoning us whilst we wait for some grand apology. Let me tell you friends, it just may never come, so decide that for your own sake, it’s okay to forgive ️ anyway.
5. It takes two to tango.
Sometimes we feel so wronged that we cannot see sense nor reason and we certainly cannot see how anything was to do with our own actions. It isn’t easy to hold your hands up and accept some responsibility in difficult situations but the truth is, it takes two. Take a moment to think about how you could have done things differently, how you could have affected the situation. When you are able to do this, you often find the intensity of the anger/hurt/frustration changes to a softer energy, a more forgiving energy.
6. Make a choice
Lastly my friends, make a choice. Make a choice to forgive, to move out of the cycle of blame, hurt, anger and frustration. Make that choice. Choose to forgive and set yourself free.
And for those who have made mistakes, apologised and still haven’t been forgiven, it’s time to acknowledge that we all make mistakes and that it is time to begin forgiving yourself.
Just let it go.